Dream Deep

Um, hey, just a really quick comment. This is sort of hard to read as it is... do you think you could go back through and edit in spacing between ...

Er... a tad... preachy, don't you think? Like a bit overly optimistic of an ending? A little abrupt? A little... too good to be true Disney Land type of ending? ...

I don't think there's anything else to say; unless you've decided you'd like to have all your magnifecence read and critiqued. Well Imp, one can hardly crit brilliance... :roll: Lol, ...

Tell me one poem you've read that could possibly be better than this? Oh, you mislead masses! What kind of life have you led not to recognize splendor when it's ...

You really described the captain's actions and attitude great, Imp. ^_~ Some of the dialogue was just a bit hard to read, though, just by virtue of how you set ...

Hey Phorcys, here I am. ^_~ Showed up after all. (Chapter One Crit) The mauve sand swept onto the dunes and formed spiralling eddies around the feet of the Master. ...

Hi there. Allright, your proper critique... :wink: The sun always caught the trees in mid-morning. It would become entangled in the wiry branches, sending twisted bolts of bronze across the ...

This was a very pretty poem, Angel... lol, I've never experienced teenage lust quite like you describe here, but very good nontheless. It flows very nicely, and though I don't ...

Allright Wiggy, as a I already critted the first part, I just take a look at part two for you here... ^_^ “Elise-Rose,” he murmured, absentmindedly reaching out to stroke ...

Gorgeous, mystical! The imagery was beautiful... this absolutely floored me. I LOVE it. I give you a 10 out of an undisputed 10. ^_^ Delicate, intriguing, alluring... and ultimately with ...

Hey there, hawk, nice to see you again. Saw your post all alone here with no comments. Though I'd give "Rain on the March" a go, I hate it when ...

Was it supposed to end at 'until' or was that a glich? If it was a glich, that's fine, no harm no foul, but... uh... if it isn't ... I'd ...

I...wha?...i dont get it... but other than the really confusing text it was funny, and i loved the description of the room at the start, but if ure gonna make ...

Ah. Okay, this was pretty good. I got a very good impression of place and time and you developed Gwen well in so few words. But may I make a ...

Liked this very much, IceCreamMan! Gorgeous images, but it seemed to end a little abruptly. I wanted to keep reading! :twisted: